Category: Slightly Unbothered with the Possibility of Slipping Back.

There was a time when Imani would have been shattered by a random’s person’s opinion of how she is, based on interacting with her for a mere second. But this time, it annoyed her briefly. She considered it a win.

Growing up, she was the quiet child who never looked at anyone, let alone speak. In her mind, she rationalized that if people needed something, they would just approach her. Granted, she has adopted this thinking in her adulthood, but sometimes she thinks it’s holding her back, especially in a world where you go and get what you need. But as a child, her thought process kept her from trouble, mainly from her dad, who was a hardass through and through. Maybe it’s because he was establishing lifelong rules, setting her on a good path, or fighting his demons. Either way, in her adulthood, she appreciates it because, as you know, the world needs a bit of toughness to get through.

Imani’s school days sucked from the moment she woke up. She dreaded everyone, teachers included. She never had many friends because who would want to talk to the shy, quiet girl who didn't seem to care that much? In the same breath, a few bullies used to get to her because she wasn’t chatty. Her esteem crumbled, and she became a shell of herself. When she spoke, she would answer questions correctly and speak clearly, something that earned her recognition from her teachers. She was a ‘role model’ picked for events, leading her to find solace in the adults in her life.

As an adolescent, Imani got fed up with being taken advantage of, so she decided to re-invent herself. While she thinks she became a bully, a part of her kept reassuring her that she was just standing up for herself for once and coming into her quirky, fun, but profound personality. If you were her friend, you were her friend. If she didn’t like you, you knew. She introduced herself with confidence, starting to lead with her masculine energy. Maybe because she was drawing from her father’s lessons or embracing who she was meant to be. Safe to say that she wasn’t for everyone. It took someone special to understand who she was.

Her perceptions still run true as an adult. She’s not for everyone. You will never find her where the wild things are. Her shell is her safe space. People’s opinions rule her mind. Every day before she sleeps, she must run through who she may have offended while trying to be friendly. But living on Rule 3 (The world adapts to who she is), Imani is learning to let go of what people’s perception of her is when it doesn’t involve her. Now, she counts down from 10 and filters her words when she thinks the other person can’t handle the truth. She speaks up when she feels attacked and tries to learn the difference between people she talks to, friends, or those in the same space as her.

As Imani navigates her adulthood, she wonders if things will change in the future. Will she be softer? Nicer? More accommodating? Or will she still keep her distance, protect her peace, say no and mean it, or exist just by being herself?