My Narcissist Boss

I was at a loss trying to understand her. From the moment I joined the organization, she was always complaining. I figured that it had nothing to do with me, after all, I was new, and I didn’t know the ropes yet. However, after careful observation, I realized that she was struggling with low self-esteem.

I was able to get a job in the thick of the pandemic and was extremely excited to show off my skills, talents, and all those years I spent in Uni doing endless exams/group projects. While I knew that the job was temporary, I became accustomed to the organization’s culture pretty quickly, and finally, it was my time to shine.

It dawned on me that my boss was a narcissist when she would praise me constantly and make me look like an idiot in the same breath. She couldn’t imagine that other people were giving me the 'atta boys' she desperately craved. She took every chance she got to criticize and nit-pick while also trying to set me up to fail by offsetting her duties to me, which I had no training in. Her aura manifested an air of superiority, selfishness, anger, false self projections, and extreme levels of egocentrism. She would also micro-manage, exploit, threaten, manipulate, harass, and bully subordinate staff, basically running the office like her home, treating everyone as a child.

One thing about me is I like putting things together, maybe in another life I was a detective or a lawyer. So, I started figuring her out. Granted we all have that one person in the office who just makes you cringe, but hers was to the extreme. After almost 3months of working there, I finally realized who she was and found coping mechanisms for her issues. Here are some of the survival tricks you can apply if you have a narcissist in your life.

Less is more - if you don’t have to collaborate with them directly, try to have as little contact with them as possible. Their negative energy is draining!

They don’t need to know you like that - reveal nothing about yourself. Whatever you say can and will be used against you, not in a court of law, but to manipulate, hold grudges, defame, or insult.

They will lure you into a false sense of hope - my boss loved to talk. In her mind, she thought she was extremely intelligent and people wanted to listen to her (granted this is most of us, but at least you leave room to hear another person’s ideas). Don’t take calls after work hours/weekends if this is your boss.

Always mind your business - it irks narcissists when they see you happy at work or life doing you because they can’t enjoy anything themselves other than making other people’s lives miserable.

Don’t be caught slacking - because they don’t have empathy, a narcissist will laugh openly at your vulnerabilities while also making you feel like you’re insufficient or less confident.

Leave - if you’re able to abandon the organization, friendship, or relationship, take the leap. It’s not worth it being around mental abuse in the name of getting a salary, avoiding loneliness, or even a sense of loyalty.

I am lucky I was able to learn who my boss truly was and was able to walk away. What about you? Have you experienced this in the workplace? How did you cope? How do you manage?