The Year I Learned That Love Doesn't Protect You from Loss

This year has taught me that you can love people deeply and still lose them. 

I know that it’s a fact of life. We’ve all heard it before. There’s a difference between knowing something intellectually and having life sit you down and make sure you understand it. 

At 32, I lost a friend and my grandmother in close succession. 

I’m not an expert in grief, nor do I think that there’s a perfect way to talk about loss. 

Sometimes you have the words; sometimes you don’t. Many times, life carries on so normally that you almost forget how much has changed, until something so random reminds you. 

For me, it was seeing someone who resembles the friend I lost - I had to do a double take- and hearing my mom talk - she and my grandmother sound so alike sometimes. And sometimes, you find yourself wishing for one more conversation, one more visit, or just a little more time to enjoy their presence. 

I’ve been thinking about how often we assume that there will always be another opportunity to see the people we love; another phone call; another boring family gathering; another routine day together. But time itself doesn’t make those promises. 

If there’s something this year has made me appreciate, it’s the importance of showing up. Not just saying you love people, being present, offering support, making the first call, going to see them, sitting with someone when you don’t know what to say. I hope I’ve done some of that for the people I love this year. 

Grief hasn’t given me all the answers, and I won’t pretend that every loss comes with a neat, straightforward lesson attached. Some things simply hurt, and there isn’t much we can do. 

That aside, I’m learning to love and appreciate the people who are here with me still, the memories of those who have left, and the privilege of having loved people enough for their absence to matter. 

As I prepare to turn 33, I want to be more intentional about love. Less assuming there’s always more time; more being present in the time we have. 

Love isn’t measured by how we feel about people - it’s measured by how we show up for them while we still can.

And this is something I want to keep learning!