Uncomfortable Truths about your 20s

Recently, my brother, who’s in his early 20s, realized the actual responsibilities of adulthood, and let’s just say, he’s not a fan. He keeps wishing he was a tree just chilling and providing shade. His distaste for adulting got me thinking about how weird and confusing your 20s are.

You’re considered an adult, yet no one prepares you for what’s to come. You don’t understand how money works. You want to invest because you heard from your parents/mentors/siblings that investing is smart. You have some money but also lack some things you need. You know what you like, but you’re not sure if it’s a phase. You’re constantly on the search for fulfillment, even though you don’t know what you’re looking for. You start questioning the values you were raised on and experimenting with boundaries.

Your 20s is a phase when you’re in limbo where nothing is set in stone, and yet you feel like you’re expected to have most things figured out. While some people know what they want to be early, most of us have to learn on the proverbial job, and here are some truths I have learned so far.

1. You’re the 5 people you surround yourself with

To experience growth as a 20something, you need to be around people who light the fire under you, make you think outside the box, inspire you to do more, enhance your creativity, or embody the person you want to be.

2. When you fail, you win

You’re going to get rejected many times. You’ll start things that will fall apart. You’ll get angry, frustrated, and depressed at yourself for not being what you want to be. However, in all that uncertainty and disappointment, you’ll learn crucial lessons about healthy coping mechanisms, moving forward, and resilience.

3. Practice does make you perfect

Getting your 10,000hours in, as Malcolm Gladwell says in his book ‘Outliers’, does make you a pro at something.

4. Your mind is a powerful tool

How you speak to yourself and your ability to control your thoughts will determine how you feel most days. You can also make a conscious decision to adopt a healthy habit such as reading, physical exercise, and meditation to expand your knowledge or improve your overall health.

5. Self-care starts early

Just like you care for your mind in the previous point, start doing things that make your body feel good. You’re what you eat/drink, take a break from the screen, go for a walk, gyms are affordable nowadays, and start a skincare routine. Put yourself first, learn to say no, set healthy boundaries, stay home when you want to, ask for help, forgive yourself/others, and start hobbies that help you de-stress/escape the world.

6. You’re going to feel lost the majority of the time

After you graduate, you’ll probably get stuck in a low-level position in an industry you didn’t expect. It may take years and years to accomplish your dream, even if you follow all the rules. You’ll often wonder if it’s worth it and explore the possibility of starting a business. These feelings are normal. You just have to find a way of managing your expectations as you work towards the vision for your life.

7. No one cares about you

Nobody cares if you overslept and missed an interview. If you weren’t feeling well. If you’re having a hard time fitting in at your new job. Some people do cherish you because they want to ensure you’re living your best life. However, in general, nobody worries about you. Everyone has things going on in their lives to worry about your issues. You must take charge of your life and responsibilities and keep them together simultaneously.

8. Comparison is the thief of joy

Your friends and age mates are on different paths. Some will get their dream jobs almost immediately, others will start a business that will take off, others will go viral to become celebrities, and others will succeed at living abroad. Once you understand this, you’ll have an easier time dealing with your emotions and navigating life.

9. Saving your money doesn’t happen overnight

The culture of saving begins when you’re still getting an allowance from your parents, receiving money from your siblings, or working from your side hustles. When you save as early as now, once you start earning more, you won’t waste money on liabilities.

10. You will change, and so will your friends

As you grow, your preferences, perceptions, and worldview will change. You’ll find your tribe of people different from the ones you grew up with or were in school with, and that’s okay.

11. Time, patience, and hope

Relationships, careers, dreams, and aspirations all take time. So, don’t give up, keep learning, and focus on the things that make you happy.

12. We’re all winging it, just like you

We also don’t know what we’re doing, even though we seem so put together. We want the same things you do and are working off a shot in the dark, hoping things work out. You can ask for advice, guidance, or insight from those before you, but don’t take their word as the gospel truth. You still have to make a conscious decision on your own. Experience is the best teacher, after all.

13. Little achievements are better than big dreams

I believe in setting small goals that compound into a big dream over time. Create daily/weekly/monthly goals that make you feel like you’ve achieved something. It can be as small as getting out of bed every day or as big as planning to move out of the country or going back to school for further studies.

14. Your parents are people

Perhaps the most uncomfortable realization of your 20s is seeing mom and dad as people with a life outside of protecting, providing for, and guiding you. They’re flawed and vulnerable like you are. They have deep-seated trauma, pent-up aggression for life, bitterness, or regret. Acknowledging, accepting, and forgiving your parents’ flaws is the first step to having an adult relationship where you can talk, laugh, or cry about things together.

While your 20s are scary, they’re also the best time to build yourself up and understand your value systems. In your 20s, you can heal, grow, and learn about the world or the people around you. Even though things don’t get better, you get stronger and more resilient❤️.

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